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Archive for December, 2009

Change

I stare at my hand as I type this
Lines are starting to form on my skin that has always disclaimed my true age
On the inside though I have weatherd so many storms
My heart ripped apart in anguish,anger consuming me,guilt cursing me..
Regret flooding my being,love controlling my soul…
Overly intense and passionate I seek peace as my only saviour
An oasis dreamed… delivered recklessly,delivered infrequently..
Barely tangible for long enough to exhale
My birthday brings me sadness each year for unknown reasons,
Like another part of me is lost as I  as an island float further and further out to sea
You have always understood me..
I think now you are coming to know me
The difference in these things is profound for me though I know you don’t really understand what I mean
My scars are so bare across my heart yet hide beneath my body and a mind I cannot control
The change in us is beautiful
It brings me much yearned for peace
I still though, lack conviction the fragility will not succumb to the next change in breeze
This makes me hesitant for change
The next step is a leap
A gentle breeze blows through the open window
It blows across out bodies as you hold my hand
Do you realise you hold my heart?
What I wish for you I fear I am unable to give
I am not good enough, young enough,beautiful enough…
Do I set you free?
When you finally love me
Or when i finally trust you
Will you want to be free?
Change comes.. yet so much remains the same inside me
Peace…
a world away
 
~Me
 

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Friendship

Friendship seems so fragile..
My best friend, said something simple to her friend… who took it the wrong way.. end of the friendship
It’s happened to me as well so when she phoned me I had no idea what to say
If I could fix her problems I would be able to fix my own..
I am passionate and volatile..
I say things straight from my heart and despite some interpretations rarely mean anything with any direct intent..
More, I am …
Well I can’t be bothered explaining.
I  am calmer today… perhaps resigned ..or something I don’t know
I came home to another pile of bills over the house sale mess and wanted to scream out loud
Yet I sat silently
As I listened to Lisa tell me her tale I thought…
This is friendship..
But it is fragile, everything…especially love is fragile….
I am fragile
I miss my best friend
I miss the one I love
I really just need a hug….

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