Archive for October, 2009


Saturday afternoons go really slowly when you’re all alone
I should be making good use of this time finishing the editing of peices for my book
Instead I have been staring into space wondering and staring out across the mountains
An aquaintence of mine once told me learning to be still was a learned art
I’m obviously not very good at it
I am getting stonger though because a year ago I would have sought company
Worried about what I would do tonight
Now I have learned that it is better to be alone by yourself than be alone with another
I think I should go look at the movie guide
Hip trendy arty "alone" kinda people go to movies by themselves
I did it recentl;y and found it a weird and cold yet somewhat liberating experience
Or am I just trying to convince myself ?
Would be good to call a friend and have a coffee
Would be good to lay in the arms of someone I loved
Would be really really good to have someone hug me right now
Sometimes though, you just have to stay true to your head and be alone apparently
It’s a lesson I am learning
For better or for worse…

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My breath makes a pattern on the glass
I write your name
Hand on the telephone
I want to touch your skin
Lay against the velvet
Of my dream
I am all alone
Empty house,silent walls
Staring at the ceiling
I close my eyes…..

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 Late Night radio plays…
I… I will be king
You… you will be queen
We can be heroes..just for one day
I love / hate this song
I turn it down and think about bed…
Craving alcohol I dont drink
Searching for a life I dont want
In a town I don’t love
You used to be my best friend
What do I care
She is ugly anyway
No amount of coloured crayons will ever fix that
Late night radio sucks
Late night thoughts make me cry
Love sucks
So do I

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It is cold
My face against the tiles
It is an unintentional sickness
Stress.. a disorder underestimated
You may as well put your hands around my throat
I cannot breathe anyway
For when I am hurting
My stomach heaves
In time with my tears
A rhythmic sorrow
With that haunting old song playing down the road..
"I’ve been cheated..
Been mistreated..
When will I…………………….
Be loved"

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I’m searching for Utopia
Trying to win the race to first place
First choice
Feeling second to a harem of distractions
To where honesty once lay
Writing my name on the wall
Does not mean I exist there
Simply that…
I had drifted through
The walls of your heart…
Where are they resting?
No time to read my soul..
My thoughts discarded,no longer holding the reigns
Dark in the background
I re read the promises
Realising by now they have been forgotton
And lay in the basket of dreams at your door
I pick fruit from there and savour it slowly
Putting it down again and closing my eyes
For all I have now is the memory of Utopia
No longer the princess
The queen
I remain the soldier with my heart on a flag
Writing my thoughts in blood across the wall
An old fashioned notion
Discarded for modern dreams
I lay down my weapons of passion and tears
As slowly
I walk away……

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